The late speaker Jim Rohn often said, “You become like the five people you spend the most time with.”
That idea has captured my thinking the past few days, and two questions have surfaced:
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- Who do I spend the most time with?
- Have I really become like them?
When we hang out with positive people, we tend to become more positive in our outlook over time.
When we hang out with negative people, we spiral slowly downward over time.
If someone in your inner circle is a chronic complainer, research shows that we’ll start looking at life through that filter. If they embark on a personal journey to make better choices, we’ll be more inclined to do the same.
If toxic or negative people are in my “top 5,” it might be time to rearrange the list.
I can still stay connected, but I want to reserve those top spots for the people I want to become like.
I spend the most time with my wife, Diane. We have our own unique personalities, but we’ve been married long enough that we finish each other’s sentences and often respond to things the same way. Many of our interests have merged over the years, while we still have our unique areas that energize us.
In a healthy relationship, that’s a good thing.
I also spend a lot of time around people I work with, friends at church, and members of a small group that meets regularly. As I’ve thought about it, I do see how we’ve rubbed off on each other. We carry hints of the “scent” of each other’s lives.
Those changes haven’t been intentionally crafted, but just seem to happen as we spend time together.
So, if that’s true, it leads to two more questions:
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- Are those five people becoming more like me?
- Is that a good thing?
It goes both ways.
I’ve realized that I choose not to spend much time with people who are trying to change me. If they take me on as a project to “fix,” I don’t respond well.
But when they simply enter my life and accept me unconditionally, I become a different person because of their influence.
Without my realizing it, their acceptance and character influence me to become like them.
It’s important to be intentional about who we hang out with the most. It’s comfortable to connect with people who are just like us, but we don’t change or grow. To really stretch and develop as a person, we need to intentionally choose close relationships with people who are further ahead in certain areas of life.
In other words, find people of all ages whom you admire and want to be like, and hang out with them.
What happens in those relationships? They’re not giving you formal instruction or walking you through a curriculum; they’re just being themselves while you watch them in different life situations. Without even realizing it, you’re learning from their example.
They’re quietly showing you how they do life.
They’re not forcing you to change; they’re influencing you. You become different by being around them.
Think back over the years to the people who inspired you to be better — to do something you didn’t think you could do, or to aim higher than you would have on your own. It might have been a teacher, a coach, a grandparent, or a family friend. Somehow, they made you believe in yourself. They came alongside when you were struggling and said, “I believe in you.”
How did that feel?
Here’s a simple assignment:
Take a few minutes to determine who your “top 5” people are.
Are they the type of people you want to become like?
If not, what will you do about it?
It’s a quick exercise that could change everything for you.
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