Our flight to Hawaii was an early one. We picked that flight on purpose so we’d have an early arrival, which would give us plenty of time to explore the island on that first day.
We weren’t expecting to end up in Oakland.
We checked in at the Long Beach, CA airport and boarded the nonstop flight. The takeoff was on time, and we were scheduled to land a little after noon (Hawaii time).
It had been a crazy season for us, and we were more than ready for the break. Plus, it was near the end of the Covid restrictions, so getting away was especially welcome. We settled into our seats and stared out the window as we climbed to cruising altitude. It was a perfect morning – the sky was dark blue, the clouds were bright white and the ocean looked like glass.
For the next 2 hours, we talked a little and read a little – simple things that had become a luxury. The morning sun angled against the back of the seats in front of us, and we felt the tension slowly start to release.
We were about one-third of the way across the ocean when I noticed the angle of the light coming in start to shift. I was used to little changes on a straight fight like this from slight course corrections, so I didn’t think too much of it.
Until I realized the sun wasn’t shining through our window any more. It was coming through the windows on the other side of the plane.
We had turned around.
Not a good sign.
A few minutes later, the captain was on the intercom:
“Well, folks, I have some bad news for you. We had to turn the plane around, and we’re heading back to California.”
Silence in the plane. Everyone was in shock and hadn’t processed the information enough to react yet.
“We’ve lost one of our communication channels, and can’t communicate with the ground – and they can’t communicate with us.”
He went on:
“When we take off, we have a communication channel that keeps us connected for the first couple of hours. After that, we’re too far away for that to work – so we have to switch to a satellite communication channel to stay connected. When we get closer to Hawaii, we can switch back to the first channel.
“That satellite channel isn’t working. We’ve lost our ability to talk to anyone on the ground, and they can’t talk to us. That’s not good – in fact, we can’t continue the flight without that ability to communicate. So we have to go back and switch to another aircraft.”
OK, that made sense at least. But it got worse.
“The bad news is that there are no planes available in Southern California, so we’re heading to Oakland. That’s where we’ll switch planes, and we’ll start this whole thing over.”
We did the math. About 2-1/2 hours back to Oakland, then the time it would take to switch to a new plane (which turned out to be about 3 hours), then a 6-hour flight to Hawaii.
We wouldn’t get there until after midnight.
So instead of spending most of the day in Paradise, we spent it in the Oakland airport. (Oakland’s not bad – it’s just not Hawaii.)
Everyone on the plane must have understood, because there wasn’t much commotion and nobody got really upset. They knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault, and were probably just frustrated because of the long time we’d be on a plane or an airport that day.
My thought was, “Well, is it that important that we have connection to the ground the whole time? We’re 1/3 of the way there, and will be back in touch through the first channel in a couple of hours if we keep going. Won’t we be OK for a couple of hours without communication?”
Well, it turns out it’s really important. Frequent flyers know that unexpected things can happen on a flight that requires immediate attentions – everything from turbulence to medical emergencies to mechanical failures to weather changes. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens.
When it does, it’s important for the pilots to have instant access to the control tower so everyone knows exactly what’s happening all the time.
If you have to call 911, you don’t want to get a busy signal.
The Lesson
I couldn’t help but think about how similar that is in our relationships – especially with the person you’re most committed to.
At the beginning of the relationship, there’s constant communication. When we’re feeling close and positive, we just turn and communicate. When we hit those tough patches, we’re already talking – so it’s easier to deal with the issues and find solutions.
That’s the way it’s supposed to be throughout our relationships – open communication channels so we’re constantly in touch. As long as we’re intentional about staying connected, we keep those channels open.
Then life hits. We get busy. We still talk, but we’re distracted with work and health and responsibilities and life in general. As those distractions increase, our talking time decreases.
When our talking time decreases, our communication channel gets staticky and eventually closes.
Through the years, more and more challenges come. If something big happens, we need to connect – but the channel isn’t working. Our talking becomes accusing or snarky or defensive or aggressive because the channel is closed.
What happens then? At the least, it becomes turbulent. At the worst, we crash.
Is your communication channel open with the most important people in your life?
Don’t wait until a crisis to make sure you’re in constant connection. Maybe it’s time to turn around and get back in range where you can start rebuilding your communication – so the channels are working going forward.
Schedule a coffee (or whatever) date someplace you enjoy – especially in a quiet environment (preferably outdoors). Like one of those places you used to visit at the beginning of your relationship. Talk about what your communication looked like back then and what it felt like.
Then talk about how it feels now.
Is it different? Is it better? Is it growing?
If not, what could you do to rebuild your communication channel so you’re ready for the future?
If you’re in the middle of the ocean and there’s no communication, you might be OK because it’s a smooth flight. But things happen – and now is the time to make sure you’re ready.
Grab your calendar and set the date.
It’s an investment you won’t regret.
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(We made it to Hawaii, by the way – just after midnight. And you know what? The world kept turning . . . we made it through the drama because somebody was committed to communication!)