Tomorrow, the U.S. Presidential election will be over.
There will be millions of people who will be extremely happy.
There will be millions of people who will be extremely discouraged.
We can just wait until tomorrow and see how we feel. But maybe we should decide now how we’re going to live going forward – before tomorrow comes.
This country was founded on the right to think and feel differently. That means it’s OK to disagree with each other. “Free speech” in a democracy has always allowed people to hold different opinions without forcing them to change their perspectives.
But that’s in the past. Now, we’ve lost that ability to still have healthy relationships with people we disagree with. We’ve lost honest dialog and conversation. We’re talking more and listening less.
We’ve stopped caring.
Don’t Hate the President
The day after President Obama was elected for his second term in 2012, I wrote an article on how we should live our lives after an election. See if it doesn’t apply today:
In any election, someone wins – and someone loses.
If your candidate wins, you’re happy. If your candidate loses, you’re disappointed.
Before an election, we’re surrounded by opposing opinions. People feel strongly about issues, candidates and propositions. Campaigns spend millions of dollars to convince us that they’re right and the other side is wrong. The attacks become vicious, spurring people to feel more and more negative about each other. Even social media allows people to share opinions more strongly than they would if they were looking someone in the eye.
Once the election is over, the winners take office and the losers often go into obscurity. Life goes on, and we adjust to the new political environment.
Here’s the problem: Some people can’t get over the election.
They maintain their bitterness, and continue to attack the newly-elected officials. They continue to guide every conversation toward the negative state of the world.
They’ve become victims.
They’ve given the control of their emotions to the very people they’re most upset with. They don’t realize it’s happening, and feel justified in constantly critiquing everything that occurs. They think it’s a sign of strength — but it’s actually a symptom of weakness.
That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be involved in influencing our society in any way we can. But constant criticism doesn’t usually change anything. In fact, it usually robs us of the energy we could put into doing something constructive about it – based on our arena of influence.
Someone said that holding onto anger or bitterness is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. It doesn’t do anything to them, but it can destroy us.
So once the election is over, what can we do to keep from being a victim? Consider these perspectives:
- Don’t hate the President or other elected officials. It doesn’t matter if you voted for them or not; they’re in office. For most of us, nothing we do will change that fact for the next four years. Don’t let that reality consume you and take over your life. Leverage your influence where it’s both possible and appropriate.
- View elected leaders realistically. We might totally disagree with their policies. But to stay balanced, we need to acknowledge it when they make a good decision and do something well. Leaders are influenced more by encouragement than by criticism (that’s true of us as well). Try sending them a note to affirm them when they do something well, instead of just when they mess up.
- Be proactive rather than reactive. We need to take responsibility for our reactions and choices, rather than simply feeling like victims of other people’s decisions. The President is the leader of the country, but we can be the leaders of our own lives – no matter what choices they make.
- Quit talking and start doing. Complaining robs us of energy to make a difference, and tends to drive people away. We all have gifts and strengths, and we all have a sphere of influence where we can have an impact. It’s really hard to change the whole world (it doesn’t cooperate very well). But if I change myself, I might influence others, who carry that influence to others, and might end up changing the world.
- Be grateful. OK, so the country is messed up in a lot of ways. But we’re free. We can make choices and take action – something that’s restricted in many parts of the world. Think what would happen if we started every day by writing down something we’re grateful for. After a few months, our attitude could be transformed. It doesn’t minimize the real problems, but helps us see them realistically and in balance.
- Realize that we can change our lives. Taxes might go up, and economic policies might impact our income. But we all have the ability to make different choices in our lives that can move us beyond where we are. We don’t have to be victims. We can be different tomorrow than we are today, and we can move out of our current situation – one simple step at a time.
The best chance you have for changing the world is to take control of you.
One Person Can Change the World
Tomorrow, we’ll begin a new season for our country. It’s more divided than it’s ever been. Tolerance is no longer about people thinking differently; it’s become about people villainizing others that they disagree with. It’s magnified in the media, as divisiveness is seen as the new normal.
It’s easy to feel hopeless: “What difference can I make? I’m only one person.”
But that’s the only way change ever takes place – when individuals start making different choices.
Want the next four years to look different? It can . . . and it starts with individuals.
It starts with you. And me.
What if we found someone we disagreed with on some major issue, and took them out for coffee? Not to change their mind, but simply to have human moments with another traveler?
What if we looked at their heart instead of their opinions?
What if we just cared about them – period?
If we do it with one person, it can change that relationship. When it does, it gives us both permission to try it with others.
It can spread – one relationship at a time.
Society isn’t changed by angry demonstrations where people try to out-shout each other. It’s changed when we treat others in the exact way we would like to be treated. It’s called the Golden Rule, and it’s been around for a really long time — because it works.
Try it with one person on the “other side” of your perspective. Just one. Listen to them, love on them, and enjoy them in spite of their position. Agree to disagree, because the relationship is more important than the issue.
It’s the way for us – as individuals – to make a serious difference in society over the next four years, no matter what happens in Washington.