When you first got your smartphone, it was love at first sight. You went everywhere together, and you were amazed at what it brought into your life. Now, you’re still together all the time – but the excitement has been replaced by codependence. It might even have subtle signs of addiction – withdrawal when you’re apart, damage to other relationships, changes in attitude and motivation.

Maybe it’s time to break up.

Not entirely – but to re-evaluate the relationship.

Is There a Problem?

I generally feel like I’m in control of my phone, not the other way around. But I ran across something in my iPhone settings the other day called “Screen Time.” I don’t remember seeing it before, so it must have been installed during one of the updates.

I knew there might be a problem when I was afraid to open it. It would give me hard data to show how much time I spent staring at the screen. I couldn’t deny it.

But I had to know.

The news for today was OK. I’ve spent 41 minutes on my phone, and it says it’s “1 hour 51 minutes below average.” That didn’t sound too bad until I looked closer.

I thought it meant “below the average for most people.” But then I realized that it was “my” average. The “Last 7 Days” button showed that I spent 1 hour and 51 minutes per day over the last week.

If that pattern is consistent, it would mean that over the course of a year, I’d spend 675 hours looking at my phone. That’s around 28 days (24 hours per day). And that doesn’t include making calls.

It also says I pick up my phone 56 times per day.

So here’s my question: What positive results have I achieved by spending 28 days looking at my phone?

And here’s a better question for you: Are you in control of your phone, or is it controlling you?

Taking Control of your Tech

I’m not villainizing technology. I’m a huge fan, because of the things it enables us to do. If it weren’t for technology, I couldn’t do my job. I’m on video calls most of the day, talking to business professionals around the world. We can share documents on the screen to review, and pull multiple people together for conversation – and I do it from my home office.

Technology is a tool – nothing more, nothing less. A tool is something we use to make our lives easier. But when we misuse any tool, people can get hurt. For example, a scalpel is just a tool. A skilled surgeon can use it to save a life, while a criminal could use it to cause great damage.

Phones are great tools for enhancing our conversations. But it’s easy to let them replace our conversations.

The problem is that it’s tough to be objective. We think we’re not in a rocky relationship with our phones, but we haven’t stopped to check the data.

How would you respond to these situations?

• Your phone is in your pocket while you’re having an important conversation – with your boss, with a client, with a spouse or family member. You feel it buzz. What do you do?
• If you don’t check it, do you have trouble concentrating because you want to?
• If you accidentally leave your phone at home, do you drive back to get it?
• When you’re standing in an elevator with a stranger, do you look at your phone so you don’t have to talk?
• If you wake up in the middle of the night, do you check your phone?
• When someone brings up a question, do you instinctively grab your phone to look up the answer?
• Do you look forward to red lights when you’re driving so you can check for messages?
• Do you take your phone to the bathroom?
• Do you look at your phone whenever things get awkward in a group conversation?
• Are you reading this article on your phone?

We’ve all experienced some of these. But when they become a consistent pattern in our lives, it’s probably time to take action to take back control.

Rebuild Your Relationship with your Phone

A friend of mine went with her fiancé to meet his 85-year-old grandmother for the first time. As they approached the door, my friend had her phone in her hand. The door opened, and the energetic grandma bounded out of the house to greet her with hugs.

“I’m so glad you’ve come,” she said. “I’ve been waiting to meet you. Come on in – dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

Then the grandma said, “Just put your phone in the basket by the door and come into the dining room.”

“But I’m expecting a call,” my friend said.

“That’s great. Just keep the ringer up loud enough so you can hear it, then you’re welcome to take your call outside – even if it’s during dinner. We just don’t use our phones in the house. That’s where we talk to each other.”

During dinner, the grandma actually wanted to tell a friend a funny story that was told at the table. So she excused herself, took her phone outside and made a quick call.

She didn’t villainize the phones. She just provided an environment where it could be controlled.

Those little choices can make a huge difference, as long as we’re intentional about setting them up.

Here are five practical ideas to get started:

1. Count the number of apps on your phone. How many of them do you actually use? Now, remove at least half of the ones that rarely get used.
2. When you go out to a restaurant or coffee shop, leave your phone in the car. Focus 100% on the conversation taking place. If you feel the need to use your phone, you’ll have to decide if it’s worth walking all the way to the car or not.
3. Remove Facebook, Instagram and other social media apps from your phone. If you can only access them from your computer, you’ll be less inclined to be checking your phone constantly.
4. Don’t put your phone next to your bed. You might use it for an alarm, but it’s not worth the temptation. Buy a separate alarm clock and leave your phone in a different room – preferably with the sound off. If you feel the urge to check it, you’ll have to get out of bed to do so – which means you won’t be able to check it impulsively.
5. Turn off all notifications on your phone. If you leave them on, it’s like leaving your front door open and allowing people to simply walk in anytime. Instead of having sports scores show up repeatedly on the screen, take the time to open the appropriate app to find out who’s winning.

The Payoff

Have you ever said, “I’d love to __________, but I just don’t have time” . . . ?

What could you do with an extra hour every day – 365 hours per year? Think of the projects you could complete – the courses you could take – the relationships you could build – the fitness you could capture . . . is it worth taking control of your phone?

The key is to be intentional with your choices.

Decide where you’re spending your time. Then decide where you want to be spending your time.

Your phone can be your best friend if you build a healthy relationship with it. If you don’t, you’ll end up in a relationship that’s toxic.

Take the time to evaluate the relationship with your phone, then try one of these simple steps. It could change everything!

What step will you take this week to make your phone your friend? Let us know in the comments below.